Is Your Child an "Innie"?

By Elizabeth Larsen, Photo by Martina Witte (parents.com)

"It was a typical birthday party Saturday. I pulled up to the curb eager to hear about all the fun my 4-year-old son, Peter, had just had with his new classmates from preschool. Then I unlatched the gate and my heart sank. While 12 cupcake-buzzed kids jumped around in one of those inflatable bouncy castles, Peter hunted for treasures in a quiet corner of the yard with the birthday boy's mother. The fact that he appeared to be extremely happy didn't matter to me. In that moment, I wanted my son to be part of the swaying American chorus of people who need people. Lots of people. I panicked that if I didn't teach him how to run with the pack soon, he'd start on a loner trajectory that would leave him sad and friendless for life." From Raising an Introvert in a Extroverted World.

Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you've noticed similar responses from your child in a Kindermusik class? If you have a child with an introverted temperament, one who has "an inborn need for quiet time to process what they take in by observing," I highly recommend reading this article! Growing up as a young child, I was an "innie" who loved to spend time playing with just a few of my closest friends or alone. And now as an educator of children (musically in Kindermusik and academically in public schools), I've had the privilege of working with many "innies" who are intelligent, thoughtful and reflective learners. They are typically the ones in class who prefer to listen, observe and take mental notes of the information presented to them in a class. But at home or in small groups, these "innies" are interactive, outgoing and even dramatic!

Articles like Raising an Introvert in a Extroverted World can be very helpful "because introverts are so widely misunderstood, [and] knowing how to raise one can be a challenge. Experts say parents and other grown-ups in these children's lives need to stop pushing them to be something they aren't and instead help them make the most of their strengths, even as our increasingly extroverted culture pushes them to conform to its way of doing things."

The difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts draw energy from within where as extroverts draw energy from others. Everyone is born with these personality types and learning styles. If you'd like to read more on this topic, please check out the following book by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D: The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child: Helping Your Child Thrive in an Extroverted World who makes a clear distinction between being introverted, extroverted and shy and offers scientific explanation for each, offers tips for parenting "innies" and highlights the strengths and contributions "innies" offer. If you can't get to a bookstore, you can always borrow my copy or read a two-page article by Parents.com: Introvert vs. Extrovert by Irene Daria.